She has been nagging me for quite some time now, hovering over my keyboard and stating over and over again that this series will be incomplete without her little tale.
"Hamsini" (literally meaning swanlike) was a pretty child who grow up to be an extraordinarily beautiful girl.
They say back home, " Too much beauty is a curse", in her case, coupled with her mother's pride and her own vanity and naivety, it turned out just that.
As said before, wherever she went , she garnered attention, not surprisingly, at her workplace too. Fresh from college, little did she know,her first stint, as a secretary in a private firm would take her through a roller-coaster ride, through dizzying heights of love to plunging depths of betrayal and shame.
A month in her new job, she met a dashing, charmer of a man, her immediate boss transferred from a different city. Mathew was everything she had never encountered before, showed her a world far removed from her traditional one. He was friendly, polite, helpful , intelligent, articulate, sophisticated and she fell, and fell badly. He seemingly reciprocated her feelings, "his love" making her break rules, lie and fight with her elder brother who loved her dearly and not being convinced of Mathew's affections (not to mention the 12 yr age difference), clearly disapproved.
But when has a young, rebellious girl listened to reason. She assured her brother that things would work out and convinced him to keep her secret a little longer. Her life revolved around him - the love of her life and all was well in her paradise for over a year till..... little things began to take a new hue, things she had noticed before but never heeded, like his frequent trips to his "home town", the fact that he never mentioned nor had she met anyone from his family, that he was becoming increasingly secretive, of late the couple of times she called his home, a lady had answered : her queries shrugged off by him as a visiting relative.
One day, the camel's back broke, when she saw a lady in his cabin (he was at a client's office) and found out that the lady in question was the one who took his house calls and was (to hear utter shock) ....his wife. their only son studying in a boarding school. Later that day when she confronted him, he admitted the same, but assured her of his love...he gained her sympathy stating that his was a loveless marriage, his wife basically being his father's choice.
Torn between her love and her guilt (yes, she was human enough to feel for her parents who were blissfully unaware, and for his wife and child). Things went downhill when she was forced to give him an ultimatum to choose between - her or his wife, her family having arranged her marriage against her wishes. He begged for time which she granted him, for she was besotted. He kept stalling for over six months, showings no signs of taking a stand (guess, he was enjoying the best of both worlds).
In the end, the decision strangely was taken out of his hands, a visit to the doctor confirming her worst fears.
Caught between a marriage she did not want and the man she loved (who was married and couldn't(wouldn't ?)marry her. fearful of her father's and brother's reactions to how far gone she was, the truth of her seemingly false relation slowly prying on her, she took what seemed the best way out. The last thing she remembered before falling into the black void of unconsciousness was the desperate banging on her door........and then.... utter silence....
Her family was shattered in myriad ways - her father never quite getting over her loss and the society's subsequent trail by fire, her mother can't still accept that she is really gone, her brother wallows in regret and guilt for his perceived inaction. The hero of this tale (or conniving, selfish, heartless jerk, in the opinion of many) lost everything - the girl he "loved", his wife and child, his job : the owners frowning on inter-office affairs (bad karma, if you ask me).....But last heard, his wife after more than a decade reconciled with him, yet he is only a shell of his former self, remorse gnawing at him relentlessly....
As she gazes sadly at the words, I find the courage to ask if she regrets her trusting, foolish and selfish behaviour and would have, given a chance lived her life differently.
She nods her head and says that she wishes to have spared her loved ones the pain, a twinge of guilt for his wife and child, her to-be groom and mainly for her unborn child...but remains silent on HIM.
My reasoning is that she has long forgiven him and holds herself equally responsible for all she went through as clearly stated in her suicide note, my guess is that she loves him still and would have given up everything to be with him, the coward just had to ask....
Love makes you do strange things, even justify what others perceive as wrongdoing.
Before she departs, she looks at herself in the mirror (don't ask me if its possible) and audibly sighs "Atleast, I am still beautiful."
I overcome the urge to roll my eyes, after all , who am I to deny a ghost who has been 22 years old for more than two decades now (and forever stuck from the looks of it), simple girly pleasures of vanity.
Wc 929 to have 71 words more
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Glad you made it this far...would love to hear your take on the words scribbled. A comment every now and then keeps the blues away. :D
Since, crazy Mr. Blogspot won't let me reply to the comments here (is upset with the water ladies ever since they refused to verify visitors)...will do the next best thing, drop in to your blog to say my Vanakkam/Namaste/Salaam/Hello.