She giggled...Neeta struggled to keep a
straight face lest they draw attention to themselves.
Zack frowned, his irritation increasing
with every passing minute. He could barely wait for the demo session to end.
Cathy, awaiting her turn, tried to catch
their attention, her efforts only drawing puzzled looks from the twins seated
behind them.
"Is something wrong with your
eyes?" one asked
When she didn’t respond “Trying to
seduce my little brother, are we?"
'Little?' sizing up the boy who needed
an entire bench to stretch his never ending limbs.
"That must be understatement of the
century" with a quiet chuckle.
"Shut up jokers!" the other
one hissed,
"I'll turn you both into bats if I
get pulled up this time."
They glared at him, about to resort when
she giggled again.
Zack got up in a huff only to freeze in
place. Her warm hands pulling him back never failed
to elicit the familiar response. Small, almost black eyes reprimanded him for
breaking their contact abruptly.
Master, who had ignored them all this while was now forced to acknowledge the distraction from the eastern end of the chamber.
He was aware of every thought, hushed whispers or otherwise. Faced with no
other viable option, squelching the rumours that questioned his authority was a priority. The first step towards the goal demanded that they be punished.
Pity, the girls were his best friend's
nieces. Reluctantly, he called the three of them
over.
Zack wasn't sure he could keep
himself from casting the 'bent back' hex on the girls, seeing their calm,
detached expressions. He didn't want to, not her anyway. He was pleasantly
surprised when Master handed them the after session chores.
Planting seeds, magical ones at that was
boring but not hard.
The sulking part of him did not share in
his relief. This is not we had planned. The reminder was dampener on his
spirits. He had volunteered to be the telepathic medium for the
girls with an ulterior motive...a desperate need to find a clue, a confirmation
of her interest in him. And here they were, digging up the soil with dancing
hands, where he could have been plotting his next move with the guys. He didn't
find his love for the 'flying ducks' night suit funny, she obviously did.
wc384
Today is International Flash Fiction Day in the U.K...decided to post my fiction here and not on their site. You can check the other fantastic stories here.
* I got into Pottermore this week...a cute, interactive site. And while I received an Alder-Phoenix...they sorted me into bloody Gryffindor. I wanted to join Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff since we all know enough about the red house. Incidentally, I was put in a red house during my schooling years till 10th grade. I always envied my bro's blue badge.
* My nephews are turning up next week...surprise, as my bro is off to London for two weeks and the elder one has summer vacation till June 13. So June 4 is the only day I will be posting during the first week. I will be using my birthday to thank the bloggers/ettes whose awards I still have to acknowledge and pass on to the rest of you. Do visit the post, as I will be passing on certain awards.
* Any comments on the story welcome, but polite put downs please.
* Any comments on the story welcome, but polite put downs please.
13 comments:
I liked it!
So you will have two nephews to entertain next month? Better save up your strength.
I like the piece. The dialogue is great. In my opinion though, you definitely could have used a second pair of eyes before you submitted. Here is what drew my eye:
"who had ignored them all this while was now forced to acknowledge the distraction"
This is hard to read because the different clauses are all fighting for attention. It might have been better to omit words and say "who ignored them and was now forced..."
Anyway, that's just my two cents. A second pair of eyes after you've written a piece can do wonders for your writing.
"I'll turn you both into bats if I get pulled up this time." - Love this line!
Aww! I'm sorry you got sorted into Gryffindor. I'm a Ravenclaw over at Pottermore, but I haven't visited the site in a long time (was a beta tester).
A few lines to track the talkers in the story would help, but I really love the story. It's very imaginative. You constantly draw me in with worlds that are fresh and interesting. It's just a matter of time.
Hope you have fun with your nephews and a very happy birthday.
Hi Rek!
Very nice little piece of writing. You have a great imagination.
Interesting story! I like the character's voice/writing style.
I really enjoyed this piece of flash fiction! Your writing always pulls my attention in....great style! Good title too!
There's a lot going on there and it hints towards what sounds like a very interesting world. Just one thing, "squelching" is a great word, but maybe "quashing" would be more appropriate in the context.
right I hope you have all the magic ready for when the nephews turn up, you have a lot to do to entertain them :)
loved the story ..
Bikram's
Oh your birthday is so soon, hope it will be a fun day!
You have a wonderful imagination and lovely writing style! Great attention to detail...
I'm so sorry that I missed this International Flash Fiction Day... I forgot about it... never mind, next time...
I like this story, you have a good imagination and writing style.
I just visited for the first time and I completely love the background to your blog. It looks fantastic.
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Glad you made it this far...would love to hear your take on the words scribbled. A comment every now and then keeps the blues away. :D
Since, crazy Mr. Blogspot won't let me reply to the comments here (is upset with the water ladies ever since they refused to verify visitors)...will do the next best thing, drop in to your blog to say my Vanakkam/Namaste/Salaam/Hello.