Had to enter the fray, since this will be the last RFW entry till August for me.
Based on the prompt of the same name as the title, a story or poem in 400 words or less.
Puts away his clothes as usual.
the routine followed each night,
He stands by, saying nothing.
Adjusts the covers on the queen sized bed,
another of those things to be done,
aware of his eyes on the movements made.
That night, they lie down together one last time.
she knows, he knows, pretend otherwise.
Hold her hand, promising another string of lies,
she believed them often, now, not one.
The dark, sleepless hours seem never ending,
her courage peaks and wanes.
The dawn should bring respite for both,
She, for once, no longer plays
the imperfect specimen of the wife,
embarking on the new journey of a perfect ex.
Lost in the pride of his invincibility,
a blind heart in denial of the inevitability.
These six weeks past mark her revenge
a small price for the six years he has stolen.
The house is clean, the fridge is stocked,
the dinner awaits him on the dining table,
most of her things, he claimed took valuable space,
gone from this house empty of her footsteps.
All that remain are the few material pieces
he boasted to be acts of needless generosity.
She leaves behind memories of the past,
could choke and strangle any feeling mortal.
Takes along enough of a future,
no share or meddling by him, afraid not, any more.
wc 217
For Romantic Friday writers
Writing after a fortnight was tough, I struggled and barely pulled through.
I posted this just about managing to keep the friday score. Will be visiting the others tomo and also those kind ones that read my previous post.
Based on the prompt of the same name as the title, a story or poem in 400 words or less.
Puts away his clothes as usual.
the routine followed each night,
He stands by, saying nothing.
Adjusts the covers on the queen sized bed,
another of those things to be done,
aware of his eyes on the movements made.
That night, they lie down together one last time.
she knows, he knows, pretend otherwise.
Hold her hand, promising another string of lies,
she believed them often, now, not one.
The dark, sleepless hours seem never ending,
her courage peaks and wanes.
The dawn should bring respite for both,
She, for once, no longer plays
the imperfect specimen of the wife,
embarking on the new journey of a perfect ex.
Lost in the pride of his invincibility,
a blind heart in denial of the inevitability.
These six weeks past mark her revenge
a small price for the six years he has stolen.
The house is clean, the fridge is stocked,
the dinner awaits him on the dining table,
most of her things, he claimed took valuable space,
gone from this house empty of her footsteps.
All that remain are the few material pieces
he boasted to be acts of needless generosity.
She leaves behind memories of the past,
could choke and strangle any feeling mortal.
Takes along enough of a future,
no share or meddling by him, afraid not, any more.
wc 217
For Romantic Friday writers
Writing after a fortnight was tough, I struggled and barely pulled through.
I posted this just about managing to keep the friday score. Will be visiting the others tomo and also those kind ones that read my previous post.
23 comments:
That is really powerful and sad!
Oh, I can so relate to the person whose ex felt "you took valuable space."
If I might suggest cleaning up your pronouns a bit. Either make it "you and I" everywhere, or "she/her and he/his," that's the only thing that really took me out of this poem, and it's an easy fix.
All in all, I really loved the emotion and resolve that came through in this.
Your poem is beautiful, but leaves me with a melancholy feeling. Perhaps the lesson in this piece is that material things should never get in the way of a relationship.
Thanks @Beverly for your input...I will make the changes, wrote in "you and I" format first and changed it to "she and him" but forgot to make the changes in the post.
Sorry, you had to read the unedited version, reminds me to check my post once more before hitting update.
This is so bad. They are inevitably not able to be together :(
Wow. That was wonderful -- a story and poetic. Well done, Rek.
Dear Rekha,
Great write and yes, with a poetic touch. We will miss you until August. Best wishes.
Your The Perfect Ex - Romantic Friday Writers post is quite amazing and interesting.Getting a lot of useful information and funny.Very nice sharing.
Rather excellent, albeit stark actually Rek
Hello Rekha. I really love your style and this poem did not disappoint. It was sad yet very emotive. I must admit I was annoyed that she'd done all the chores and left the fridge full. How womanly of her! You tell a very forthright story here.
I'll look forward to your return to the RFW fray in August. Visiting your blog is always a great experience.
Denise
I love this poetic tale.
It has a melancholic beauty.
Dear Rekha,
Your poem feels so true!
You have captured a genuine feeling of loss and bitterness that she will remember instead of memories of happy times: 'six years he has stolen'. He has stolen both her past and her future.
She feels insulted by him in this very telling line: 'most of her things, he claimed took valuable space.' He does not love her. She is reduced to a worthless object that just gets in his way.
Beautifully written!
Best wishes & hugs,
Anna
Anna's RFW #38
Rek, I just came back to read your entry and realized that I posted "this is bad" instead of "This is SAD". SO SORRY!!! I love your piece...very SAD!
Very chilling.. beautiful tale of a love gone bad.. Take care!
Oh, how very sad, Rek. Well written. You captured such a bittersweet scene.
@Heather, don't usually respond this way since it feels tacky when others enjoy a proper reply button, but no worries...I made the mental correction as I read your comment. :)
I'm experiencing some sadness when I read your beautiful poem today. It's great the way you've written this, It's a good style Rek!
Take care and see you in August again.
Jan's place...
Love the way you told the story. A credible case of the ex. Well penned.
Great poem. Sad, but very believable and well-written!
Nice poetic story telling. I like the determination you built into her. There's no doubt that this time, she'll really end this.
Enjoyed reading this.
Rek, this was beautiful. So emotive; and I really liked the orderliness of her leaving. It felt right to have everything in its place, all the routines adhered to. I liked that the decision had been made, and it happened. Sometimes that is the best way to end.
I feel like I want to send this woman a Hallmark card with the inscription "congratulations on starting your new life."
I'll miss you while you are gone Rek, but I'm sending best wishes for your absence. I hope you enjoy your time away.
......dhole
Beautifully written with all of the emotions tied up in a little bow, before the despair really settles in. Enjoy your break! Julie
As always Rek, I very much enjoyed your writing. This one was really good. The further I got, the more I felt it...
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Glad you made it this far...would love to hear your take on the words scribbled. A comment every now and then keeps the blues away. :D
Since, crazy Mr. Blogspot won't let me reply to the comments here (is upset with the water ladies ever since they refused to verify visitors)...will do the next best thing, drop in to your blog to say my Vanakkam/Namaste/Salaam/Hello.